Top 5 Reasons to Jump onto the Canine Housemate.

For the first "Top 5" Confucius Cat has chosen a universal archetype of the cat life: dealing with a dog.  So here goes. 

Confucius cat say that the Top 5 reasons to jump on your canine housemate:

5. The canine begs you to play by lying down within leaping distance of the table you're lying on.

4. The humans in your house are sleeping and you're hungry.

3. A trampoline isn't available.

2. You had a lot of catnip.

And the number 1 reason to jump on your canine housemate is:

1. Because she's there!!!!!!!!

CANINE CHRONICLES -Part Three: The dog's side.

As the "canine housemate" of Confucius Cat, I must say that I am confused about his attitude. For example,  I can be laying on the sofa completely asleep and CC jumps up and smacks me in the head so he can lay there.  He has great fun, at my expense, by lurking in the doorway to the hall, ready to pounce when I walk by. .. He has been known to run from a great distance when he hears me approach the hallway so that he can get in pounce position.  

I'm older than CC and have been with our mommy a lot longer. By rights I should have the alpha position in the house.  I could be resentful, but I'm not.  I'm always bubbly and happy.  I figure eventually Karma or the law of attraction or something (maybe a lightning bolt from above) will begin to work on my "feline housemate" and I will get the treatment I deserve. Plus, dog is God backwards, you know.  So I kinda have a reputation to uphold.

Besides, when the feline gets outa line, I get a lot of sympathy.  Sympathy = kisses and milk bones.  Haaaaa haaaaa.  

So Zelda the dog says:  When it comes to abuse from your feline housemate, kiss sweetened dog treats are the best revenge.   

 

CANINE CHRONICLES -Part Two: Morality tales from American Idol

It occurs to me that perhaps my post yesterday was too extreme.  Too black and white.  Yes, I still believe you should love your enemies like the bible says.  But if I've learned anything from American Idol and other reality television it is that you should be hypercritical of everybody else. 

So Confucius Cat say:  Lesson from Am Idol-your opinion matters more if you are mean at least 90% of the time...preferably with british accent.

I think this is why it works for me to be mix up my mean with a little bit of sugar in my treatment of the canine housemate.  Think Simon Cowell with a tail.  I achieve about a 70% claws to 30% kisses ratio.  (I've tried to get to the 90% but no luck yet). 

I am both good cop and bad cop all rolled into one gorgeous ball of fur.

But even with this imperfect ratio my niceness is appreciated all the more by the dog and by my mommy.  She thinks I'm just wonderful when if I give the dog a little snogging (british word-imagine accent here).  If I follow it up with a little snuggling pounce treats follow.  

Mmmmm. Pounce treats.  Suddenly, I'm hungry.  

Tomorrow is part three of the Canine Chronicles with our guest blogger: Zelda, the canine housemate.

CANINE CHRONICLES - Part One: In defense of torture.

Confucius Cat say: Love your enemies...except that canine living in your house. You CAN torture dogs. But not with water. I hate water. 

The bible says to love your enemies.  I agree with that in theory.  But I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean you have to love the dog that's horning in on your space.  That canine housemate that you can't get rid of. You don't have to "love" that dog do you?  No, there's a little known exception to the "love" requirement when it comes to cats and dogs.

Think about it.  You can find proof of the exception in the fact that the cat and the dog have been warring over the same homeland for thousands of years of domesticity. More proof exists in the world of cartoons stereotypes which depict the exception over and over.  There was even a major motion Hollywood motion picture a few years ago called "Cats and Dogs" that contained this exception as its basic theme.  Case closed: cats can torture dogs.  

And most important the "torture" gets results.  My canine housemate ALWAYS moves off the sofa when I unleash my claws. And I have to say that the dog actually benefits when I torture it.  My mommy picks up the canine.  Oohs and Aahs.  Gives out kisses.  The canine even gets a dog treat.  Mmmm treat.  So you could say it's mutually beneficial.  

So in the great question of torturing dogs?  I'm okay with it.  

More tomorrow in Part Two.