Heavenly Opportunity...for Massage

Some days you are presented with special opportunities that aren't available every day...and one must make the most of them.  

My mummy (er-slave) had a friend at our house this morning. They both worked on their computers seated at opposite ends of our dining room table. The opportunity was there and I...like a smart cat... grabbed it.  I stretched out on the table between them with my front claws clutching the keyboard of one computer and my tail swishing the other.  Stretching and preening, it didn't take long for me to get what I wanted.  A two sided massage.  My head was stroked and rubbed. My back and tail were petted and caressed.  I was able to get them to continue this intermittently for about an hour.  SCORE! Pure heaven for a cat.

Now I'm working on begging for treats...from both.

Confucius Cat say: grab every opportunity with both paws...and your tail if necessary.  Heaven awaits.

BORN TO BE WILD...OR MAYBE NOT

Dear Confucius Cat:

My Human Slave Owner Mean Creature refuses to let me return to the wild. I was the queen of hill when I lived in the North Carolina mountains and now I am relegated to watching cat HD out the windows. There are so many birds -- I need to kill something, and soon!

Help!
Fagan

Dear Fagan:

If you are as crafty as the original Fagan, I'm certain you could find a way to escape to the outside...if that is truly what you want.  I suspect that your unconscious is actually happy for the safety and security of your luxurious indoor paradise.  It is only your pride that makes you think you are unhappy watching out the windows.  

If you have a need to kill, may I suggest a canine housemate.  If you do not have one of your own, I can loan you one.  If a canine is not an acceptable victim, Perhaps you can find a stray bug or lizard that makes its way inside.  Toy creatures are also good for fantasy killing.  

The bottom line my friend Fagan is: be happy in your indoor palace.  Many other cats wish they had it so good....and would take your place in a second.  So don't go outside! You could find your spot taken when you get back.

Advice sincerely rendered by the fabulously wondrous Confucius Cat

Cat Math

X = 100 x  1 (a + b) = ^..^ =  

As I was racing through the house today, the above equation ran through my head.  X being the sound made by feet on a stairway and "a" being species and "b" being weight.  The result is that there seems to be an inverse relationship between weight and the noise one's feet make on the stairs... So it is that one cat (me) sounds like a herd of elephants.  

But then a friend pointed out that many cats are able to alternate at will between herd of elephants sound and ninja like stealth. Hmmmm.  Another variable seems to be claw length and traction.  Mmmmm.  

Clearly there is something wrong with my calculation.   Back to the drawing board.  Maybe a few more trips up and down the stairs will clarify the matter.  This is what is called the scientific method.  

Happy Birthday!

Confucius Cat says: Let them eat cake...birthday cake. Happy Birthday to me.

It's important that we...including cats... celebrate our birth. It is the single most thing for which we should be grateful, after all. Without our birth we would not enjoy the day-to-day wonders of living in this world. So our birthdays should be the best holiday of the year. We should insist on presents - Even if we give them to ourselves. And not necessarily presents that have a monetary cost. The present of a wonderful and heartfelt birthday wish can mean as much as a pouch of pounce treats.

I know, I know. Pounce treats are delicious..... But still I maintain that the even the yummy pounce treats can be matched by the gift of a joyously spent day or a kiss.

So, today I'm marking my fourth birthday by doing exactly as I please. I'm spending alot of time playing with my favorite toys, lounging on the cat condo in the sun, watching the birds...and getting special hugs and kisses from my mummy. And I'm remembering to thank my cat mommy who brought me into this world. For all the faults and traumas of my early days, without those bad days I wouldn't have the good ones I've enjoyed for the last three years and 10 months.

And yes....I did get a bag of pounce treats and a toy sea horse for my birthday, so I can't claim to be completely non-commercial.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Why is it that there is such a lack in the ability to show "respect" these days.  (I have a new pouch of Pounce treats for anyone that can give me the answer). 

Like the maintenance people in an office who leave it full of dust, mold and rat droppings from changing out a drop ceiling tile.  Or a person who feels it's okay to stop at a street corner and toss a bag of trash to the curb so that it dumps litter. Or the person who yells obscenities rather than giving a polite honk in traffic.  Or how about the total lack of civility in conversation...even from a waitress who has a vested interest in being nice because of the anticipated tip.  

Or how about the politicians who not only can't agree on the right way to do things, but can't even be civil about their disagreement.  The trend is for a politician to treat the person who disagrees with him or her with vitriolic terms such as: un-american, socialist, communist, lunatic and fascist.  

The above are reported from my mommy.  But even in the world of the cat there is a significant lack of respect these days.  Like the cat who stands outside the door of my house and tries to get in and live here. (As if I'd let that happen) Or when the canine housemate insists on laying on the ottoman and I'm forced to bat her in the ears with my paws to get her to move.  Oops that last example doesn't make me look so respectful.  Forget about that example.  

If we all could just start the movement to increase respect on our individual levels maybe respect would spread. There could be miraculous results.  For instance, if there was worldwide mutual respect, how could wars continue. 

Anyway, it's my opinion that this world would be a much better place if we could all just respect one another.  And respecting each others property, opinions, health, etc., doesn't mean we have to give up our own rights or views.  

Confucius Cat say: demand respect without disrespecting others.  It is possible.  And it's what this world needs.  

Welcome Home

My mommy came home yesterday from the conference (still not certain what that is).  I was so happy. I rubbed against her leg. Against her other leg. I jumped on the dining room table so I could get almost to the level of her face and mewed.  Then when she leaned toward me I nuzzled her face and licked it. 

I got strokes and kisses and loving words.  It was so wonderful that I ... forgot to be aloof as a punishment for her absence.  Crumbs! How is she going to learn not to misbehave by leaving me alone (not alone but....). How is she going to learn if I reward her when she comes back?

Oh well, the love feels better than aloof anyway.  I'll find another way to assert my cat superiority.  I'll think of something. 

Confucius Cat say it is better to stand with your misbehaving cat mommy, than to stand alone on principle. Mommies are warmer than principle.

BEING THE GUILLOTINE OR THE CALM

With this whole swine flu-excuse me, H1N1, pandemic in the news, it occurs to Confucius Cat that these humans are sheep.  

*Momentary silence as CC considers all the animals in that last sentence.*

What I mean is that the panic among the humans is increasing as the media coverage herds them into more and more of a frenzy. More and more cases are reported. The flu is in more states, more countries. There are doctors with dire projections and possibilities about world wide possible deaths and even whether the flu might mutate.  

I don't know whether this coverage of the swine flu is justified or whether what is really a pretty normal flu outbreak is being blown out of proportion. What I do know is that this is an illustration of how easy it is to whip people into a frenzy and lose yourself in that whirlpool of panic.  

Instead, it is my advice to stay calm.  Whether real or hype, what good will panic do for you or anyone else in situations such as this.

And so to paraphrase Rudyard Kipling, Confucius Cat say: if you can keep your head as all those about you are losing theirs, you're either calm...or the guillotine operator.  Be the calm!