Friday, June 5, 2009

Wait or Weight: Advice to Pierre

Dear Confucius Cat,
Do I need a health care plan? According to my owners, I'm a large cat. They do this thing where they decide I weigh 18.5 pounds. Is that too much? I consider myself big-boned for a cat, but I am a Maine Coon after all. I get some exercise but my owner has recently started putting cod liver oil in my food. It smells awful but she assures me it will help avoid possible joint issues as I age. I'm willing to take my chances since the stuff tastes so bad, and if I have insurance then she doesn't have to worry, right? Pierre LeChat

Dear Pierre: 
WAIT!  It is apparent to me that your owner has become way too uppity.  Owner? What's with that.  She's your slave Pierre...and don't let her forget it.  At best they should be considered staff.  You may not have seen my recent study on astronomy wherein I reported that the recently repaired Hubble telescope has confirmed that the earth revolves around the sun and the sun revolves around the cat.  YOU are the center of the universe. Keep repeating it to yourself.  

Now WEIGHT!  I'm a Maine Coon too and I don't think 18.5 pounds is too heavy particularly if it's all muscle.  Can your human feel your ribs when she's giving your nightly (and daily) tummy rub?

Although your staff no doubt has your best interests at heart (and clearly loves you and wants you to stay well) I have to say that cod liver oil stuff sounds disgusting. Life is too short not to enjoy your food.  Can't she give you something in pill form or shoot the liquid down your throat when your not expecting it?  Can you manage to dump that cod liver gunk into her food "by accident"?  She might reconsider if she had to taste it.   A brief hunger strike could also be effective. 

As to the issue of insurance I'm gonna say NO.  Haven't you hear the insurance companies are apparently super evil geniuses?  That AIG place along with the banks apparently brought down the world's economy and somehow convinced everyone to give them billions in reward.  I have no confidence the insurance wouldn't go out of business or that it would pay when you need it to.  

Besides there's a comet that'll end the world in 2012 so why worry.

Confucius Cat say: Live for today and enjoy... and get that staff back under control.  You're giving the staff that serves the rest of ideas above their station.

1 comment:

KritterKondo said...

Great posting about pet insurance. we do not currently have any but I guess in some situations it might pay off. *nosetaps*

Kritter Kondo
Kritter Kommunity, Pet Enclosures